Grieving the child you never had.
"This wasn't the plan."
It’s a phrase I hear often from high-achievers who are used to setting a goal and hitting it. But what happens when that goal is a third child, and the person you love most says, "I'm done"?.
We recently received a letter from a listener who is 34, has two boys, and is currently grieving a "no" from her husband. She’s questiong whether she is an "arsehole" for pushing, and he’s feeling crushed by the weight of her resentment.
The problem is you cannot negotiate someone into wanting another human being. But often, the "no" isn't about the child, it's about the infrastructure or lack off. If your "Business System" at home is already red-lining, adding another child feels like a crash waiting to happen.
In this week's episode, Ben and I dive into:
-
Why "The Plan" you made as newlyweds might be the very thing holding your marriage hostage now.
-
The "Capacity Audit" how to tell if your husband is actually "done" or just desperately needs a better system.
-
How to handle the very real grief of the "child you never had" without losing your husband in the process.
If you’re currently living in the "No-Man's Land" of family planning, this episode is for you. We’re having the big conversation that therapy often misses.
With love,
Nichole and Ben
Responses